


A Soft Egg For Breakfast

by NotAPoet



Category: The L Word
Genre: AU where Shane and Carmen did get married, Carmen deserved better, F/F, Loriot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 23:30:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8820685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotAPoet/pseuds/NotAPoet
Summary: Carmen and Shane have always had a problem with communication. Getting a marriage certificate did not change that. One day over breakfast, an argument escalates. Carmen wants Shane to value her more. Shane just wants a soft egg.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who don't know, this is based on a popular German skit called "Das Ei" ("The Egg") by Loriot. It's on Youtube (with English subtitles, too!). 
> 
> Good communication is important in any relationship, y'all.

“This egg is hard.” They are sitting at the kitchen table. It is a regular Sunday morning. Shane has just cracked her boiled egg. “Carmen, this egg is hard,” she repeats. “I heard it,” Carmen says. She is reading a magazine. “How long did you boil this egg?” Shane wants to know. Carmen turns the page. “Eating too many eggs isn't healthy for you, anyway,” she says. “I mean, how long did you boil this egg?” Shane points to the egg in front of her. Carmen gives her a puzzled look. “You always want your egg to boil for four and a half minutes,” she says. “I know that,” Shane states. “Then why are you asking?” Carmen raises an eyebrow. “Because this egg hasn't boiled for four and a half minutes,” Shane insists. Carmen shakes her head. “I always boil your egg for four and a half minutes.” Shane leans back in her chair. “Then how come it's too hard sometimes? And too soft other times?” Carmen throws her hands in the air. “I don't know! I'm not a chicken!” But Shane is still not ready to let it go. “How do you know when the egg is soft?” she inquires. “I take it out after four and a half minutes, gosh!” Carmen snaps. Shane is being unbearable today. “Using a clock, or what?” It is an honest question. “Using my gut. A good wife has it in her gut.” Carmen tries to go back to her magazine. “Your gut? What do you have in your gut?” Now Shane is confused. “I know in my gut when the egg is soft,” Carmen says without looking up. “But this egg is hard!” Carmen does not react. “Maybe there's something wrong with your gut then,” Shane mumbles. The sentence is out before she can think better of it. This is it for Carmen. “There's something wrong with my gut?! I cook for you every day, I do the laundry, I take care of your stuff, I made a home out of this shit hole, I clean up after Jenny and Max all the time, too, and you say there's something wrong with my gut?!” Shane draws her brows together. “Well, if you take the egg out when your gut tells you to, it's a coincidence that it boils for exactly four and a half minutes.” Carmen rolls her eyes. “Why does it matter to you whether your egg coincidentally boils for four and a half minutes? The important thing is, it does boil for four and a half minutes.” Shane sighs. “I just want a soft egg, not a coincidentally soft egg. I don't care how long it boils.” She takes a spoonful of her hard egg. “I see. You don't care. It doesn't matter to you that I work in the kitchen for four and a half minutes,” Carmen states. “No, no,” Shane tries to backpedal. “But it does matter. The egg has to boil for four and a half minutes,” Carmen says. “That's what I said,” Shane agrees. “But you just said you didn't care!” Carmen does not understand what Shane is expecting from her. “I just want a soft egg,” Shane says. “God, you're such a jerk.” Carmen gets up to put her plate into the sink. “I'm divorcing her,” Shane murmurs to herself. “Tomorrow, I'm divorcing her.”

 


End file.
